Répliques Saison 1

(Rajout des version vf prochainement.)

PILOT 101

 

MAX [voiceover] : The escape was not my idea. I mean, escape to what? We didn't know anything else. It was Zack who said we had to leave. So, I guess he saved my life. I didn't think we should separate. But he wouldn't listen. And I never even got a chance to thank him.

 

MAX : Hope is for losers.

 

KENDRA : I feel almost human.
MAX : Yeah. Me, too.

 

EYES ONLY : Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is a Streaming Freedom Video bulletin. The cable hack will last exactly 60 seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city.

 

LOGAN : You have good taste. French, 1920s, attributed to Chitarus.
MAX : Whoever that is.
LOGAN : Oh. So . . .what, you liked it 'cause it was shiny?
MAX : No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer, giver of life who lives forever.

 

MAX : Kendra, this is a motorcycle. Its sole reason for being is to go fast, very fast. Not for you to use as a clothesline. Now, make no mistake. I love you as a friend and a roommate, but I love my motorcycle more. Stay away from the bike, okay?

 

PETER : We trying to ID the perp or your new girlfriend?
LOGAN: If I just got my ass handed to me by a size three I might be inclined to mind my own business.

MAX : Girls kick ass. Says so on the T-shirt.

 

MAX : Let me get my coat.

LOGAN : The one you're wearing?

 

MAX : Do guys actually believe these lame self-serving excuses?

SKETCHY : Max!

MAX : Or do they think that we're just so grateful to have one of you idiots, we'll look the other way which is condescending and arrogant?

SKETCHY : Lame. Self-serving. Condescending. Guilty as charged.

MAX : You forgot arrogant.

 

LOGAN : Peter!

MAX : If he's the side of beef, he's fine. Just give him a minute.

 

MAX : I've got people looking to either put me in a cage for the rest of my life, turn me into a science project or kill me. Probably all three. Now I've managed to drop off the radar screen, and I plan to keep it that way.

 

KENDRA : It sucks.

MAX : What sucks?

KENDRA : I come home, it's 3 AM, you're still out. I feel like I got hit by a cement truck and you've been up for an hour bouncing around. That, by definition, sucks.

MAX : I made you coffee. That ought to help cope with the injustice of the world a little.

KENDRA : Thanks, it's starting to kick in. I feel almost human.

MAX : (quietly) Yeah, me too.

 

NORMAL : You tell Theo if he's not in tomorrow he can start looking for another job.

MAX : I don't know how to break this to you, Normal. We're all looking for another job.

 

MAX : You're so stupid, the word special comes to mind!

 

MAX : I steal things in order to sell them for money. It's called commerce.

 

VOGELSANG : A nuclear airburst wipes out every record of every kind of computer east of the Rockies and you want me to find a woman that you met when you were nine whose last name you don't even know. Maybe you could give me something more on her... some detail... anything.

MAX : She was nice.

VOGELSANG : Okay, that's big.

 

SONRISA : Who are you?

MAX : You going to put me on your Christmas card list?

 

MAX [voiceover] : Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else. Like maybe it was a story I heard. The hardest part is not knowing if any of them made it. But if I knew for sure I was the only one left it would be worse. At least now I can make up lives for them... The truth is, they'd just be like me, living on the run, always looking over my shoulder. Hope is for losers. It's a con job people trip behind till they finally get a grip on the cold, hard truth. Still, I hope that they're out there somewhere and that they're okay.

 

 

HEAT 102

 

MAX : It's amazing what happens when you put three dirtbags in a room and money disappears. Tempers flare. Guns are drawn--three dead dirtbags.

 

MAX : How much about last night do you actually remember?

ERIC : Enough to know it's a night I'll never forget.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : You're heterosexual. What's up with that?

KENDRA : No clue.

 

KENDRA : There's only one word for you and it starts with an "s", ends with a "t", and it's got a "u" and "l" in the middle.

MAX : "Sult"?

KENDRA : A dyslexic slut at that.

 

ERIC (coming out of the bathroom in a towel) : Good morning, ladies. We didn't really get a chance to talk last night. I'm Eric, and you are?
KENDRA : Leaving. That better not be my towel.

 

MAX : Eric! I have to ask you a question. Can you be perfectly honest with me?
ERIC : I'll try.
MAX : Do you have an uncle?
ERIC : Absolutely.
MAX : Does he work for the sector police?
ERIC : Yes.
MAX : What does he do?
ERIC : Well, if there's a mess of some kind in the organization, he's in charge of cleaning it up.
MAX : Like internal affairs?
ERIC : More like janitorial . . .

 

ERIC : I've got to ask... the other night... was it as amazing for you as it was for me?

MAX : Eric, you the man!

 

 

FLUSHED 103

 

NORMAL : Well, well, well... so far, your moron colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here at the crack of noon - you had a dental emergency, your aunt died... again, and my personal favorite from this idiot - you were detained by the sector police for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?

MAX : I overslept.

 

MAX : "So what are you in for?

BREAK : "Cannibalism. I ate my parents."

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : Damn, girl, what's in those pills?

MAX : Spinach.

 

LOGAN : "I always knew that underneath that bio-engineered, military issue armor plating there was a beating heart."

MAX : "Let's not go overboard here. I'm not signing up to join the Logan Cale Brigade for the Defense of Widows, Small Children and Lost Animals."

LOGAN : "You could be field commander."

MAX : "I think not."

 

MAX : "So what's for dinner? You gonna feed me or you going just sit there?"

LOGAN : "You know... You were much sweeter when you weren't feeling well."

MAX : "The bitch is back."

 

CINDY : "What drugs?" Hey! The pills you got Max hooked on live with the Tidy Bowl man now.

 

BLING : Got a thing for this girl, don't you?
LOGAN : Why does everybody keep saying that?

 

CINDY : Bottom line - that SOB got what he deserved. He went splat.

 

 

C.R.E.A.M 104

 

EYES ONLY [After staging Alina's abduction] : Are you all right, Alina?

ALINA : In my neighborhood this is a date.

 

LOGAN : In this short, brutal life, you've got to seize any opportunity you can to celebrate.

 

RAFER : You know what, you don’t play so nice with others.

MAX : I was home schooled.

 

LOGAN : It's a kick or be kicked in the ass world out there.

 

SKETCHY : Your parents must have been terrorists, 'cause you guys are the bomb!

 

MAX : How much did Lans pay you to give up your father?

ALINA : You’ll never prove anything!

MAX : Did you hate him that much or was it just the money?

ALINA : It was both, all right? It was both.

(Max grabs at the briefcase, which flies open and all the money inside begins to blow away)

MAX : Say goodbye to one of them.

ALINA : No! [Grabs a bunch with her hands]

MAX : That should just about cover a one-way ticket to Portland. And you always have your hate.

 

 

105_411 ON THE DL – A TOUT PRIX

 

MAX [voiceover] : I don't sleep much, but that's okay. Takes up an awful lot of time, and I can always find something productive to do. Sometimes I think, "What's wrong with all you people, snoring your lives away?" Night is the best part of the whole day.

 

MAX : It’s not a Nomad, a Nemesis or a Nirvana, it’s a Ninja. A Ninja 650, black, like my mood thanks to you.

OWNER GUY : Ninja? Ninja, Ninja, Ninja…

MAX : Ninja! Right there!

OWNER GUY : Ah! Ninja, 650, black, like your mood!

 

HERBAL : Let the injustice roll off you like water.

MAX : I let Normal screeching roll off me like water. I let cheating boyfriends roll off me like water. I let everything that is wrong and lousy in this world roll off me like water -- but this is my motorcycle.

 

MAX : I don't want a used ride. I want my motorcycle.
ORIGINAL CINDY : It's just a machine.
MAX : It's an extension of my soul if there is such a thing.

 

NORMAL : I don't want to interrupt your social life with my petty concerns, so why don't we just close down the business and live off the charity of strangers, huh?

 

ZACK : Have we met before?

 

MAX : Oh don't tell me you're one of those people, because a raindrop fell in the ocean a million years ago, and a butterfly farted in India, you and I are sitting here drinking a cup of coffee that taste like goat piss.

SAM [aka Zack] : Anything is possible.

MAX : Unravel this mystery, grasshopper. What’s the sound of one hand hitting you upside your head, hmm?

 

MAX : I never pictured you as the married type. You're more the lone warrior. You know - windmills, armor.

 

SAM [aka Zack] : Who would I talk to about working here?

SKETCHY : Well, if you're smart, no one. But if you're desperate and male prostitution is out of the question talk to that fool. [pointing to Normal]

 

NORMAL : [Herbal] was smoking a marijuana cigarette in the men's room.

SKETCHY : Herbal Thought happens to be a Rastafarian. Ganja happens to be a sacrament in his religion.

ORIGINAL CINDY : It says right there in Genesis: "Thou shalt eat the herb of the fields."

NORMAL : Listen, if Herbal was nibbling leafy vegetables in the men's room I would give up my life defending his right to do so. But no, that's not the case. He was breaking the law of the land.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : Funny how everything started to fall apart when you canned Herbal.

NORMAL : Oh, I get it. This is some sort of job slowdown. Ooh! Payback for me trying to operate a drug-free workplace.

JAM PONY RIDER : A sacrament-free workplace is more like it.

 

LOGAN : There's some food in the kitchen if you're hungry.

MAX : Not really.

LOGAN : Me neither. What time is it?

MAX : Late.

LOGAN : You can crash here if you want. In the guest room.

MAX : Not tired.

LOGAN : Me neither. Feel like going for a spin in the park?

MAX : It's raining.

LOGAN : I don't mind.

MAX : Me neither.

 

 

PRODIGY 106

 

MAX : But you know what really bums my ass out? I had a chance to swipe some towels from the hotel and I totally spaced it.

 

LOGAN : So... that was Lydecker.

MAX : Yep, my own private Anti-Christ, up close and personal.

LOGAN : Shorter than I imagined.

 

MAX : I saved his life...

LOGAN : And here I thought I was special.

MAX : He was about to take a bullet in the head. All I had to do was stand there and do nothing, and I could cross Donald Lydecker off my list of things to worry about.

LOGAN : You didn't exploit tactical advantage over your enemy? He'd be so disappointed if he knew...

MAX : How sick is that? But for some reason, I couldn't let it happen. And I have no idea why.

LOGAN : Life good, murder bad?

 

MAX : You're such a gentleman. [slams the terrorist to the wall] Too bad I'm not a lady.

 

MAX : Thanks. That's what I don't understand about this whole economic breakdown thing. We have this huge toothpaste shortage but you can buy peppermint oil.

 

MAX : They're putting you up [at the hotel] during the conference?

KENDRA : Not a chance.

MAX : Too bad. I was hoping we could score some towels.

KENDRA : If I get invited to shower with anyone I'll see what I can do.

 

MAX [voiceover] : At Manticore, Lydecker used to tell us the same thing: "There are no limits. What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve... With the right training." Only we could still get shot and killed like Eva... starve to death... or drown. I've often wondered why we didn't just turn on him. We were stronger, faster. Any one of us could have snapped his neck before he knew what hit him, but we were too scared and he knew it.

 

LYDECKER : You look like you were around in the days before the pulse. Your parents brought you over to visit your little friends. Carpools to soccer games, art schools. And do you really think, Miss Glasser, that your childhood prepared you for the life that you have to live now?
MAX: My childhood wasn't quite like that.

 

LOGAN : Ordering myself a new wheelchair. Looking for one with the jet thrusters.

 

 

 

COLD COMFORT 107

 

NORMAL : Yeah, well, I'd like to take off every June 12, but I don't.

HERBAL : What's June 12?

NORMAL : June 12 is the birthday of my personal hero and perhaps the nation's greatest visionary - George Herbert Walker Bush.

 

LOGAN : Whatever operation [Lydecker's] got going here, he's covering it up pretty good.

ZACK : Did you look in the yellow pages under "black helicopter operations"?

LOGAN : Oh, another Manticore wit.

 

LYDECKER [blindfolded] : You're still so angry. You haven't changed much, have you, Zack?

MAX: We'll play "pin the name on the barcode" later.

 

LYDECKER : It was the best of you that ran away that night.

MAX : Yeah, well, we wanted to start a rock band.

 

SKETCHY [about Jam Pony's new uniforms] : Even though people are hungry out there, they will throw food at us if we wear something this bogus.

 

LOGAN [to Zack, about Max] : In case you haven't caught on, this girl is gonna do what she's gonna do no matter what you or anyone else says. So, you've got two choices - back off or pitch in.

MAX : What he said.

 

HERBAL : Normal said if I made two more runs before lunch, he going to make me employee of the week.

SKETCHY : Oh, that's awful. Normal's really starting to terrify me.

Original Cindy : For real.

SKETCHY : If he's allowed to go unchecked, we are a heartbeat away from compulsory urine testing at Jam Pony.

HERBAL : What would he be testing for?

ORIGINAL CINDY : Knowing Normal, probably flavor.

 

LYDECKER : Can I have some water, please?

MAX : Fresh out. I'd spit on you, but it'd be a waste of good saliva.

 

SKETCHY : You guys want to head back to Jam Pony?
ORIGINAL CINDY : He can't.
HERBAL : Not for a half hour.
SKETCHY : Why not?
HERBAL : Normal said if I made two more runs before lunch, he going to make me employee of the week.

 

ZACK : Did you look in the yellow pages under "black helicopter operations"?
LOGAN: Oh, another Manticore wit.

 

MAX : We'll play "pin the name on the barcode" later.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : Well, just look on the bright side. Maybe this Mr. Sivapathasundaram brought us all just a little bit closer together.
NORMAL : Oh, God, I feel ill.

 

 

 

BLAH BLAH, WOOF WOOF 108

 

MAX : [humming]

LOGAN : That's the music.

MAX : From... the car?

LOGAN : Right... from the car.

MAX : You know, about what happened...

LOGAN : After the car?

MAX : I was real emotional, with all that was going on.

LOGAN : I know.

MAX : It's not like-

LOGAN : Me neither-

MAX : I mean-

LOGAN : Exactly-

MAX : So long as that's clear.

LOGAN : I'm glad we talked about it.

MAX : Me too.

LOGAN : [nods]

MAX : [smiling] See ya.

LOGAN : Later.

 

MAX : Oh, I forgot. No fun for Logan Cale. The world’s coming to an end. Fight the power. Protect the downtrodden. Blah blah, woof woof.

 

ZACK : You shouldn't leave your window open if you don't want visitors.

 

SUNG : You know, I'm getting the sense that you are not a man to be taken lightly. Am I right about that, Mr. Ronald? Are you not a man to be taken lightly?

NORMAL : Uh... Mmm... Yeah. I mean, no. Uh... Uh, yeah, I most certainly am... not.

 

LOGAN [after being beaten by Max at chess] : Isn't it against the superhuman code to use your powers to take advantage of we mere mortals?

 

LOGAN : Isn't it against the superhuman code to use your powers to take advantage of we mere mortals?

 

HERBAL : Um, you got to take comfort in the words of the great Bob Marley: "Me don't swim too tough so me don't go out in water too deep."
SKETCHY : That just didn't help me out at all.

 

MAX : If you die on me, I'll kick your ass.

 

NORMAL : Well, well, well. Look who decided to come in today.
MAX : Don't bust my chops, Normal, or I might snap and kill again.

 

 

 

OUT 109

 

MAX : Why is it that guys are so task oriented? It's just work, work, work, work, work.

SKETCHY : Because otherwise all we'd think about is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

 

KENDRA : Where did you find cold-pressed virgin olive oil from Tuscany in this economy?

MAX : I broke into the Italian embassy.

 

MAX : Don't hold up the world on my account.

LOGAN : The world will still be broken in the morning.

 

LOGAN : Fine. I'll just reorganize my entire life because some girl wants to cook dinner for me.

BLING : That's kind of how it works. How civilization happened... And she's not some girl.

LOGAN : Tell me about it.

 

MAX : I hope I can pull this off.

KENDRA : Max, you can do this. I've watched you tear down and rebuild a motorcycle in under two hours.

MAX : Different skill set.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : So how come you're all macked out like a playa playa?

NORMAL : The reason it's called a personal life is 'cause it's personal.

[Normal hands a package to Max.]

NORMAL : Here. Hot run, 930 Iliff. Beat it. Away you go.

MAX /ORIGINAL CINDY : Booty call.

 

MAX : Men. They just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to make a real connection.

KENDRA : You're better off kicking it with some gorgeous slow-witted stud who you can send on his way.

MAX : I'm swearing off the whole gender.

KENDRA : I tried that. You will so hate your life.

 

SKETCHY : In defense of my gender women come into the world with a mission which is to make offspring. Men have to find a mission, create things. Um, space travel. Space travel, the carbureted bong. I personally know this guy who figured out a way to breathe through his anus by threading ordinary aquarium tubing inside his colon.

MAX : You know what? I am beginning to think that Normal's right- you are an idiot.

 

KENDRA : Max, you can do this. I've watched you tear down and rebuild a motorcycle in under two hours.

MAX : Different skill set.

SKETCHY : What is up with Normal this morning? He's flossing, literally.

 

SUNG : What did you find out last night at the airstrip?
LOGAN : When some girls don't eat dinner they get real cranky.

 

BLING : If I ever hear you talk like that again I will beat on your skinny ass, wheelchair or no wheelchair. You understand?

 

TACOMA BLEED : Check this out. You and Gilligan better get on up out of here 'cause starting right now anybody ain't claiming the same set as me is going down quick . . . and wet.
MAX : Great -- another man on a mission.

 

LOGAN : I was wondering when we were going to get to the hitting part.

LOUISE : I'm gay.
NORMAL : In what sense?

 

MAX : Don't hold up the war on my account.
LOGAN : The world will still be broken in the morning.

 

 

RED 110

 

MAX : Just like I thought - it's that idiot in 12B. Where does he get off thinking he can jack our power on bath night?

KENDRA : Says he needs it for his space heater so his cannabis crop doesn't die.

MAX [removes the power cables and replaces them] : Tough. I'm gonna have a hot bath. His weed's gonna have to chill. I mean, we stole the power first - it belongs to us.

KENDRA : Totally.

 

MAX : Bruno?! I thought you were dead!

BRUNO : I thought you were dead.

MAX : Sorry to disappoint.

[He tightens his grip around her waist.]

MAX : Oh, great. Now I need another bath.

 

BRUNO : I'm serious! I gotta call my kid.

MAX : You actually have offspring? Is it considered Homo sapiens?

 

LOGAN [on phone, clearly expecting Max] : Hey.

ORIGINAL CINDY : Hey.

LOGAN [surprised] : Hey.

ORIGINAL CINDY : You got Original Cindy here.

LOGAN : Oh. Hey.

ORIGINAL CNIDY : We already did that.

 

LOGAN : Just get him to the courtroom in one piece so he can talk.

MAX : Does he need to have all his teeth?

 

MAX : Excuse me. The gentleman I checked in with-

CONCIERGE : Your husband?

MAX : Yeah. Do you know where he went?

CONCIERGE : I called him a cab. Where is my ten percent?

MAX : Ten percent? Of what?

CONCIERGE : Either I get paid, or you don't work this hotel again.

[Max grabs him by the neck and pulls him across the desk.]

MAX : You puttin' the touch on the working girls? You think you deserve a piece of the action for sittin' here on your can, lookin' down your nose at them? I don't think so.

CONCIERGE : I can't breathe.

MAX : I ever hear about you shaking down my sisters again, I'll come back here and slap you like the bitch that you are. Now where did my husband go?

CONCIERGE : Steel Pole Saloon, Eighth and Pender.

MAX [releasing him] : Have a nice night.

 

LOGAN : They got you good.

MAX : I need to get my ass kicked once in a while. Just to keep me real.

LOGAN : These guys aren't going away, Max.

MAX : Kinda pesky like that.

LOGAN : Max...

MAX : You don't have to tell me to be afraid. I'm already there.

 

MAX : Tough. I'm gonna have a hot bath. His weed's gonna have to chill. I mean, we stole the power first -- it belongs to us.

 

BRUNO : I would just like to go on record as saying that I'm unhappy with the treatment I'm receiving currently.

 

BRUNO : You got a thing for tying up guys, don't you?
MAX : I save it all for you, Bruno.

 

MAX : Dinner's on its way. Why don't you take a nap or something 'til it gets here?
BRUNO : I can't sleep!
MAX : You want me to put you under again?

 

BRUNO : I'm serious! I gotta call my kid.
MAX : You actually have offspring? Is it considered Homo sapiens?

 

MAX : You don't have to tell me to be afraid. I'm already there.

 

 

ART ATTACK 111

 

MAX : Maybe weddings should be held in secret. That way, when the marriage falls apart you haven't spent a whole lot of loot on what was really a big old public humiliation...

 

UNCLE JONAS : You must think I'm talking through my hat.

MAX : Not unless you wear your hat on your ass.

 

GANGSTER : Do you know what defenestration is?

OTHER GUY : Isn't that when you cut all the trees down?

 

SKETCHY : One thing you can say about Normal is at least he knows who he is.

ORIGINAL CINDY : A constipated, crusty, angry, rhythm-free, Republican white man?

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : Well, what’s in it for me?

NORMAL : Money. Lots of it... Ten bucks.

 

Max : With my DNA I’m pretty much a blood relative to everybody who’s been anybody, ever. Winston Churchill... Einstein... Pocahontas.

 

Normal : I can’t believe they actually came through for me.

Duvalier : What you thought, they just was gonna let you die?

Normal : Yes, actually. They don’t like me too much.

Duvalier : I could understand that.

 

MAX : Are you dehydrated or something? ‘Cause you’re not making a whole hell of a lot of sense.

 

MAX : See, that’s what I don’t get. How can you promise you’re gonna love someone forever?
LOGAN : Well, it’s a declaration of intent. A vow.
MAX : You took it, and look how that turned out.
LOGAN : You and Uncle Jonas are going to get along famously.

 

MAX : Can I see the ring? Wow. Good clarity, colorless . . . I could fence this for ten thou, easy.

 

MARGO : Max . . . ?
MAX : Guevara.
MARGO : Guevara.
LOGAN : . . . of the Greenwich Guevaras.

 

JONAS : Of course, if you’re shacked up with him, you’re probably one of those free thinkers, too, and think I’m talking through my hat.
MAX (smiling sweetly) : Not unless you wear your hat on your ass.

 

DUVALIER : Know what the word “defenestration” means?
MAN : Isn’t that when you cut all the trees down?

 

MAX : No, I’m not familiar with the term “defenestration” . . . Ouch.

 

MAX : Logan Cale, protector of all that is good and true, advocating larceny?
LOGAN : No. I’ll call the store and have them charge it to me.
MAX : Forget it. It’s a waste of money.
LOGAN : No, it’s not. You look beautiful in it. In fact, you were the most beautiful woman there.

 

 

 

RISING 112

 

Woman : So, have you worked in insurance before?

Original Cindy : Technically speaking, no. But remember back in school when you used to play the dozens?

Woman : I'm sorry?

Original Cindy : You know, trading insults. Like, your breath's so bad, when people call you on the phone they hang up. I happen to be blessed with mad verbal skills. Kids used to pay me cash money to come up with dis they could use. So, in a way, I guess you could say I sold insurance against catastrophic tongue failure.

 

Logan : [on the answering machine] You've reached the number you dialled.

 

Original Cindy [selling insurance over the phone] : Hello? Is this Mr. Rogelio Riquelme? Have you ever worried what might happen to you or your dependants if you were left unable to work due to a disfiguring accident? No, no, don't hang up. Do not hang up this phone. [Sighs] I know you're a busy man, sugar, but let me keep it real for y'all. You lose an arm or a leg and Washington Meridian Insurance is gonna drop 20 large on whatever is left of your ass, which is better than nothin', aiight? Is that your seed I hear crying his little head off? What's his name, boo? And what's little Rogelio and the baby's mamma gonna do if you stone-cold dead? No, daddy, no dolla, dolla. Unless you step to me and plan for that child's future. 'Cause Original Cindy has got you covered all over like foundation makeup on a drag queen.

 

Logan : I got a surprise for you... cover your eyes

Max : Is it a new carburettor? It is, isn't it.

Logan : No.

Max : Flowers? Jewellery?

Logan : Since when do you wear jewellery?

Max : I'm open to the idea!

Logan : It's not jewellery. Don't peek.

Max : I'm not!

 

Max : How do I look in red?

 

HERBAL : I am very well, thank you.

ORIGINAL CINDY : Forget to put water in the bong, boo? You talking strange.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : Normal!
NORMAL : What?
ORIGINAL CINDY : There's something I've been wanting to say to you ever since the day I first started working here. I quit.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : . . . $25,000 if you lose an eye and a leg or both eyes and a hand. And if you sign up now you can take advantage of this offer that won't cost you an arm and a leg. A few questions? Sure. What do you want to know? Excuse me? How much if you lost your what? What am I wearing? Freak!

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : So she's hitting it with the po-po and getting kinky with the handcuffs, huh?
MAX: Do you mind? I'm trying to purge that particular image from my memory.

 

MAX : How do I look in red?

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : Now let me see this barcode of yours. Sugar, that's kinda hot, aiight.

 

NORMAL : Hot run, 46 Euclid.
HERBAL : 46 Euclid's been incarcerated. Solicitation of a minor.
NORMAL : Oh, well, we'll return that to sender.

 

 

 

THE KIDZ ARE AIIGHT 113

 

Original Cindy : This is just one more reason I'm glad I'm a lesbian. We don't put ourselves through all this drama. After the second date, we move in together.

 

Max : You called me, right? You remembered my number.

Zack : It's not the same.

Max : Yes, you can do it if you try.

Zack : No, it's different with you. I mean, how could I forget... a single thing about you? How could I?

 

Max : Eyes Only just made himself another enemy.

Logan : Well, it was getting a little quiet around here.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : If you're not coming home, could you just call so I don't worry?

 

 

 

FEMALE TROUBLE 114

 

Cindy : By the way, some of those black-helicopter storm-trooper folks stopped by, asking about a transgenic teenage killing machine. I said you were out.

 

Jace : Because I am dumb. I am so damn dumb that it would take ten acts of divine providence to raise me to the level of blissful ignorance. SIR!

 

Logan : An X5 assassin in a family way.

Max : How’d it happen?

Vertes : In the usual manner, I suspect.

Max : Sounds like Manticore’s gotten its swerve on since my day.

 

Max : Donald Lydecker, wherever you are, you can kiss my genetically-engineered ass!

 

 

HAVEN 115

 

Calvin 'Sketchy' Theodore : It's gonna run out before they get to us.

Max : Will you stop?

Sketchy : I really need new shoes, man.

Max : Uh, Sketchy, this line's for gas.

Sketchy : I know. Sky said if I score him a couple gallons of premium, he'd give me a pair of bike tires. Hey, no cutting!

Max : I thought you wanted shoes.

Sketchy : Sky doesn't have shoes. Herbal has shoes.

Max : So you're gonna trade him the tires for the shoes.

Sketchy : Herbal doesn't need tires. He needs a waffle iron for his lady. Original Cindy needs tires.

Max : And Original Cindy has a waffle iron.

Sketchy : No, Normal has a waffle iron. He's gonna swap Original Cindy for some lingerie so she can give it to Herbal for the tires Sky's giving me for the gas, which is how I'm getting my shoes.

Max : Nice. What does Normal want with lingerie?

Sketchy : I'm a businessman. I don't ask questions.

 

Sage : Triptophan... I'll get you some milk.

Max : How did you know?

Sage : My aunt's a doctor. She doesn't just give you a glass of milk when you can't sleep- she tells you why it's gonna work.

 

Max : If I'd known this was gonna be an Eyes Only wilderness retreat, I wouldn't have come.

Logan : So I'm just supposed to let him get away with it?

Max : You can't right every wrong.

Logan : You've got to at least try.

Max : Whatever. Go talk to your source. This girl's gonna kick back, make S'mores, and relax.

Logan : Fine. I'll be back later.

Max : Don't hurry.

Logan : [glaring at her on his way out] Have fun. Because that is the most important thing.

Max : I'll try. Even though I'll be wracked by guilt since I don't have enough to share with every single person on this planet.

 

Max : Class One, VIP, no-questions-asked sector passes. I had to hang upside-down outside the window for an hour to swipe these from police headquarters. I almost horked, I got so nauseous, and I hate horking. You're not bailing on me.

 

Man : Welcome to Cape Haven.

Max : ...Where the men are men and the tourists are afraid.

 

Max : It's good to know that when the superhero's otherwise occupied, the sidekick's ready to step in. How are you feeling?

Logan : Okay, considering I've never killed anyone before.

Max : Sometimes, you have no other choice.

 

MAX : I don't mean to bruise your delicate male ego, but your uncle's cabin is back that way.

 

TRUDY : Bathroom's through that door. Master bedroom.
MAX AND LOGAN : Where's the guest bedroom?
MAX AND LOGAN : I snore.

 

MAX : If I'd known this was gonna be an Eyes Only wilderness retreat, I wouldn't have come.

 

LOGAN : Thing about the wheelchair . . . builds upper-body strength.

 

MAX : It's good to know that when the superhero's otherwise occupied, the sidekick's ready to step in.

 

 

SHORTIES IN LOVE 116

 

Max : What is it with guys and lesbians anyway? I mean, what's so damn fascinating about being unwanted by the opposite sex?

 

Sidney Croal : Pain in the joints or limbs?

Max : No, but I'm beginning to notice a very acute pain in my ass.

 

Max : On another matter, not unrelated, our new hot water heater is non-operational due to an accident caused by rats eating up our building. If I happen to find some cash along with these disks, you don't mind if I help myself? I realize your mission is to save the world and what I'm suggesting probably sounds opportunistic, but ya know, stealing from a thief really isn't like stealing at all!

Logan : Just get me the disks- and anything else you do... I don't want to know about.

 

Original Cindy : What? You never had a manicure before, boo?

Max : No. Sounds too much like Manticore.

 

Sketchy : I pretty much get the drift here. You don't feature dudes.

Diamond : Let's just say Diamond's never met a man worthy of her kiss, but I know how you boys like a challenge.

 

Logan : So why would a player like Croal be interested in Diamond?

Max : Maybe they dated when she was going through her experimental period and it ended badly.

 

MAX : Herbal, you got some guns on you!

 

MAX : Somebody out there just doesn't want me to be happy.

 

LOGAN : So they were really making out?

 

MAX : Mickey's cracked-out cousin thinks he's setting up house in our crib!.

 

MAX : Lydecker's posse's all "G.I. Joe, hut-hut-hut."

 

MAX (about the fight) : They were just trying to get me to change long distance carriers.

 

MAX : Something did go sideways: Diamond.
LOGAN : Original Cindy's new, old, former, on-again girlfriend?

 

 

 

POLLO LOCO 117

 

Lydecker : You think this is all some kind of joke? These kids are like puppies you can bring home and housebreak? They were designed to kill. Coldly... efficiently... and happily. You think because she's so pretty that she isn't as dangerous? They're all killers. All they need is a trigger. You may think you have some kind of relationship between the two of you, but let me tell you something, son. She's not the girl next door. You have no idea what she's capable of doing.

 

Max : Bet [Lydecker would] love to figure out what the hell went wrong with you.

Ben : Nothing went wrong with me! I'm doing what I was made to do, what we were taught to do!

Max : Hunt people down to perform amateur dental surgery? I must've missed that class.

 

 

Max : You can't keep trying to recreate Manticore.

Ben : We never should've left. Everything made sense there.

Max : No. Nothing made sense there.

 

Max [in confessional] : It's me.

Father Destry [smiling] : You're not supposed to tell me that.

Max : Oh. So how does this bitch work?    

 

MAX (to Father Destry) : You sniff out honeys in church?

 

BEN : Nothing went wrong with me! I'm doing what I was made to do, what we were taught to do!
MAX: Hunt people down to perform amateur dental surgery? I must've missed that class.

 

 

 

I AND I AM A CAMERA 118

 

Phil : Aw... damn, got a screw loose.

Max : No argument there.

 

Max : You know, only a bored, rich, liberal, white guy would piss away a fortune to prove he wasn't a bored, rich, liberal, white guy.

 

Max : The one thing I learned in my years at Manticore is never underestimate what people are capable of doing to each other.

Logan : My uncle, for all his privilege, went right for the heart of darkness. You've lived your life trying to get as far away from that as possible.

 

Phil : I can see your future.

Max : Then you've already watched me turn around and walk away, 'cause you're a whack job.

 

Sketchy : ...And we're jumped by a pack of local hard bodies. I throw a few punishers to defend our girl's honor, but these dudes are large and numerous. I go down... eventually.

 

Phil [referring to a cigarette butt] : Pick it up.

Kid : Hey, let me go.

Phil : I said pick it up.

Kid : Who the hell are you?

Phil : This is where it starts. Pretty soon the streets are a river of garbage. All the windows are broken, obscene graffiti everywhere. So, why shouldn't the girl sell her body in an alley to buy drugs? Pick it up, now.

 

Mugger : You wanna die tonight, skidmark? [takes out a gun and points it at Sketchy]

Sketchy : Uh, that'd be a negative. Here. [hands his wallet over and the man knocks him down]

Max : See now, you shouldn't have done that 'cause even though he's a drunken idiot, he happens to be a friend and I gotta kick your ass.

 

Original Cindy : Like Original Cindy always says, the night holds a million secrets.

Sketchy : You got that right. I'm 90% certain that zombies walk among us.

Original Cindy [referring to Normal] : And here he comes.

 

Kid 1 [throws ball to his friend] : Dead guy over there.

Kid 2 : We know. He's the foul line.

 

NORMAL : Yes, you kids could learn something from that man's example.
SKETCHY (coughs) : Bite me.
MAX : Bless ya.

 

(The guard doesn't take the bait.)
MAX : Great, how'd I get the smart one?

 

MYSTERY MAN : Max . . . is that short for Maximum?
MAX : Maximum?
MYSTERY MAN : As in maximum force? Ooh! Maximum girl? Woman. I meant maximum woman.

 

MYSTERY MAN (to Logan) : So, what's the chair do? I mean . . . (imitates shooting) Or are your powers mostly mental?
LOGAN : Mostly mental, yeah.
MYSTERY MAN : You're the brains. She's the brawn. What happened? You get bit by a spider? Struck by lightning?

 

(Mystery man unzips his pants, turns around and opens his long coat.)
MAX : Wow.
LOGAN : I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at here.

 

MYSTERY MAN : Not to be an alarmist here, but can we be certain that these drones aren't being deployed from some other dimension?
LOGAN : I don't think we're dealing with anything quite so esoteric.

 

JONAS : Logan . . . you're up early. I thought you Bohemian types only ventured out when the sun had set.

 

JONAS (Laughing) : Junior, you watched too many X-Files when you were a boy.

 

MAX : You know, only a bored, rich, liberal, white guy would piss away a fortune to prove he wasn't a bored, rich, liberal, white guy.

 

 

 

HIT A SISTA BACK 119

 

Brin [to Max] : You're not the mission. Go. You saved my life once; now we're even. The next time I see you, little sister, I'm bringing you home.

 

Max [voiceover] : Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a castle in a faraway land. One day, she and her brothers and sisters escaped the evil king who held them captive there, and tried to make their way in the world. It was hard because the king never stopped looking for them. But the princess was lucky. She fell in love and had a family and she was very happy. But one day, the evil king and his men found her and took her away, so there was no happily ever after, only the happily ever now that had been hers for a little while. And no matter what they did to the princess, nothing could ever take that away from her.

 

Zack : If [Tinga's] smart, she'll tell him to take the kid and go. Otherwise, they're going to wind up sharing a suite back at Manticore.

Max : You're a real family values guys, aren't you?

 

Tinga : That's a lot of manpower, Max.

Max : Good thing we're a lot of girl power.       

 

TINGA : If you're talking about Zack . . . forget it. I left his ass in snowy Canada.

 

MADAME X : Mix of X5 and human DNA has almost exclusively resulted in offspring of spectacular mediocrity.

 

MADAME X : "Hello, Mr. Smith, your wife's a genetically engineered soldier escaped from a secret government lab and you're in terrible danger."

 

MAX : We got guys stationed at the east and west exits, the lobby and the roof. From 0900 to 1700, two more posing as repairmen in the apartment across the street.
TINGA : What, the old plumber gag? I thought that went out with J. Edgar Hoover.
MAX : Man loves the classics.

 

ZACK : Is this an invite only, or can anyone crash?

 

ZACK : If she's smart, she'll tell him to take the kid and go. Otherwise, they're going to wind up sharing a suite back at Manticore.
MAX : You're a real family values guys, aren't you?

 

LYDECKER : This isn't as big a tragedy as you think it is.
MAX : Whatever you have to tell yourself.

 

 

 

MEOW 120

 

Cindy : You're tripping, boo. You got an itch, go scratch. It ain't got to be all complicated either. The male mind understands the difference between love and sex. Sketchy, come here.

Sketchy : Hello, ladies.

Cindy : I want to get busy with you.

Sketchy : Outstanding.

Cindy : But I want you to forget about it as soon as it's over.

Sketchy : Yeah, no problem.

Cindy : Don't be following me around all moo-eyed and "Baby, I love you."

Sketchy : Yeah, whatever you say.

Cindy (to Max) : See? No complications.

Sketchy : So when we going to do this?

Cindy : Get away from me, fool, 'fore I put you in a world of hurt!

 

Logan [in Max’s head] : Can you make out with me while we wait?

Max : What?

Logan : Can you make out anything past the gate?

 

Logan : You have nothing to be sorry for... or ashamed of. Cause I know who you are.

Max : Logan... you've got nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It's never been about you being able to walk, not for me.

SEBASTIAN : Could always ask your in-house cat burglar.
LOGAN : She's not in the loop on this little project and I want to keep it that way.
SEBASTIAN : No reason she needs to know what the chip's for.
LOGAN : Well, that's sneaky. I like it.

 

MAX : Are you sure about all this? Pierpont Lempkin and the Taliban after some star wars widget and a robotic arm somewhere? Next thing you're going to tell me aliens are involved.
LOGAN : I wouldn't rule it out.

 

MADAME X : I went to bat for you and I think that I managed to fend off a full procedural review, so say "thank you." (walks away.)
LYDECKER : Pissy little bitch.

 

ORIGINAL CINDY : You . . . drop and give me 20.

 

LOGAN : Did you get it?
MAX : No, I just won a wet t-shirt contest. Course I got it.

 

RAFER : Oh, uh, did, uh, someone order a large sausage?

 

MAX (yelling and running away) : Normal . . . I need to take a personal day!

 

ORIGINAL CINDY (to Normal) : Max needs a personal day.
NORMAL : Take a week.
ORIGINAL CINDY : Damn. I didn't know this condition of yours was that bad.

 

LYDECKER : You forgot who you work for! (The hoverdrone kills Sandoval) Consider yourself fired.

 

 

AND JESUS BROUGHT A CASSEROLE 121

 

Zack : Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you'll fight them. X5/599. I've got a heart for you.

 

Logan : Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else, like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know it happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that she's not really gone, that she's still out there, and I just hope she's okay.

 

Max : About last night . . .

Lydecker : Don't remind me. I still feel sick.

Max : Me, too. Got a bad feeling you were going to tell me ... you were my...

Lydecker : Father? I would never presume to pollute the gene pool.

Max : I can't tell you what a relief that is for me. I mean what a cliché that'd be. Huh?

 

Madame X : He was quite a man, your brother, Zack. He must've loved you very much... to make this sacrifice... But isn't it comforting to know that a part of him lives on in you? And that you've both come home to us? To me?

 

Max : Is this some kind of new torture thing? Lock people up in a cheap motel and babble at them until they crack?

LYDECKER : No maid service. No wake-up call. No mints on the pillow.
MOTEL CLERK : No worries. We pride ourselves as much on our discretion as we do on our lack of amenities.

 

LYDECKER (to Madame X) : You got a real set of brass ones.

 

ZACK (to Lydecker) : You so much as breathe wrong, there'll be four of us to take you out.
LOGAN : Make that five.

 

MAX : Got a bad feeling you were going to tell me . . . you were my . . .
LYDECKER : Father? I would never presume to pollute the gene pool.
MAX : I can't tell you what a relief that is for me. I mean what a cliché that'd be. Huh?

ORIGINAL CINDY : Damn, that's some sibling rivalry.